Currently Listening HURT Vol.1 By Hurt Rapture

Letting Go

Feeling your eyes

Boring through me

Waiting

Staring

Wanting more than I can give

More than I can keep

The hot

Iron of

Need

Seers

My skin

Leaving me

Gasping in

Pain

And

Longing

All at once

Despair

Swirls around

The edges

Darting

Its hungry

Tongue

In search of

My still

Smoking flesh

While I seek

Desperately

To quench the ache

Of letting go...

 Here are some questions from Ken.....

So, here we go... 

1. If your doctor said you were pregnant, what would you say?
Ahhh, I'd like a "re-check?"

2. Do you trust all of your friends?
Funny....ha,ha.  NO!

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
It depends.  I"d have to be in love.

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes, but we don't always know what it is at any given moment.

5. Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship.
Disloyalty and Stupidity.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
Trever

7. When was the last time you snuck out?
hmmmm....too long ago.  That means I'm due!

8. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Hell Yes!

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
Yes.

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?

About five years ago, on a trip to Alburquerque for work.

12. What did the last text message you sent say?
It said, "okay, looking forward to it."  Referring to my picnic tomorrow with two of my students.

13. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?
BRAINS!

15. What are your goals in life?
To find my place.  After that, set a good course for my son.  After that, gain my doctorate, then Ph.D.  I eventually want to teach English at the colllege level.

17. When you get married, how do vision your dream wedding?
HA!


19. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended period of time, name some people you would call?
My mom, my sister, Trever

20. How many kids do you want to have?
I have three, no more.

21. Would you make a good parent?
no.

22. Where was your default pic taken?
no where---I don't have one.

23. What is your middle name?
rae

27. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
I want to sleep, but I can't.

28. Are you musical?
If forced...

29. If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
Taking the job at the school I work at.  I'd have looked further.

31. What are you wearing right now?
pink polka dot pj bottoms and a white tee-shirt.

32. Righty or Lefty?

Right

33. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
NOPE

34. Best place to go for a date?
My bedroom

35. Favorite jeans?
The ones that fit right.

37. Favorite animal?
Cats.

38. Favorite month?
November--good leaves

39. Favorite juice?
Orange with pulp

40. Have you had the chicken pox?
Yes.

41. Have you had a sore throat?
Yes.

42. Have you had plastic surgery?
No.

43. Who knows you the best?
Depends

45. Do you get along with your family?
Depends

44. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Glasses.

46. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
No.

47. Been to Mexico?
No.

49. Did you buy something today?
Flowers for my garden.

50. Did you get sick today?
No.

52. Do you miss someone today?
Trever and Robert.

53. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
No.

55. Last person to lay in your bed?
My son for his nap.  Before that?  HMMM.....

56. Last person to see you cry?
Dumbasses who should burn in hell.

57. Who made you cry?

The situation, but they made it worse.

58. What was the last TV show you watched?
CSI

60. What are your plans for the weekend?

Finish cleaning my yard.

Guess, that's it...

for now....

have a wonderful weekend....

peace,

C.

When certain individuals enter certain fields, they make a promise of sorts.  Judges are sworn in, as are presidents.  Lawyers must adhere to certain ethical standards, while doctors are required to take an oath as well-a Hippocratic one to be exact with the first words being "First do no harm."

Perhaps this is an oath we should all live by, and I think at least most of us do.  I don't think most of us go around maliciously wreaking havoc and meanness upon others.  I mean some people are obviously more vicious than others, but usually only strike out if cornered. 

We all have moments of weakness where we say or do something we don't mean.   In most situations a SINCERE, apology will do the trick. Though I'm sure it's not necessary to remind you, but Adam and Eve suffered that first weakness, and haven't the rest of us been suffering ever since?  Though it might have been a lot worse had they not supplicated at least a bit to God.

Well, anyway, we all screw up, and I am no exception to that list.  My list of screw ups is well beyond the single or even double digits, but I've paid my penance and cried my tears, felt my anger and was almost crushed by my depression.  But somehow, I made it up from that blackness.  I think it was a few well placed words when I needed them from a person I actually believed cared about me.   I think it was also this time that really drew the lines in the sand for me.  Here are my friends; here are my acquaintances, and here are my non-friends.  Anyway, I've made peace with myself, so I will no longer allow myself to be berated for that which is in the past.  As with all things, time moves on, and we better get out of the way or be prepared to be crushed.

Time is the great equalizer, even if it doesn't meet all of our exact deadlines and wants.

Anyway, this is the end of so many things, and I've always thought this particular song by The Doors was most fitting for endings...

This is the end...

My only friend....

This is the end

My only friend the end....

Of our elaborate plans...

The End....

I'll never look into your eyes again...

So here is to the beginning of my end.  And the beginning of my new start....

Peace,

C.

Arghh....

I"m beat.

 I met with my realtor yesterday,and she gave me lots of homework to get done before open house on Tuesday.

 Needless to say, I"ve been working my ASS off all day.

I'm finally done.

At least for today.

Everyone PLEASE cross your fingers for a quick sale!

ARGGHH>

If it doesn't sell, I'm fucked.

BIG TIME...

Anyway, better news later....

I HOPE!

Currently Listening HURT Vol.1 By Hurt Falls Apart

Tis the wind and nothing more...

Mr. Poe was certainly a wise man--a disturbed one, but a wise one nonetheless.

Sometimes, it's just the wind.

Sometimes, a smile is just a smile.

Sometimes, things just simply are.

We always like to make them larger than they are, to assign some grand scheme of meaning to them.  It's true, and I know I do it just as much as the next person.

But there are times, aren't there, where things just are?

There is nothing deeper.

There is nothing more.

And we have to accept and just deal with it--period.

I'm still fluctuating between really wanting things to mean something, to believe in signs per se.  I think this leads me to look for meaning where there isn't any.

So, in essence, and to steal a dear friend's catch phrase, I am "embracing the meaningless."

Interesting concept....

It makes more sense really.  If we embrace nothing, than we never have anything but nothing to lose.

Hmmm....just that and nothing more.

Peace,

C.

Today was an extremely productive day.  I ripped out all the offending grass on my front sidewalk, raked most of the back lawn, mowed the front lawn, planted flowers, re-screened a door and window, and painted some sun catchers with my son. 

Right now, I'm the kind of tired that speaks of a good night's sleep--the kind where your body trumps your mind--no matter how busy it wants to be. 

I've also just cracked a nice bottle of Cabernet, and it is a nice expensive one too.  It's so deep and red, and it reminds of days sitting on boat decks and nights in front of fires---all at the same tme--what a fabulous intermingling.

I have muddled a few things today while ripping weeds by their vile heads out of the ground, and here are a few things I've realized.  I think I knew them before, but I'm a stubborn one, so it takes me awhile somtimes to really buy into what I know is true.

#1. I really do want to fall in love.  I've said I don't, and that I don't need it so many times, I've even made myself sick.  How pathetic is it to protest a thing you most want?  Eghhh.....anyway, as the old saying goes, by the great bard himself, "I think the lady does protest too much?"  And indeed she does, and indeed I do.

#2.  I do need help.  Wow, what a revelation, right?  It's okay to ask for help.  I do plan to do it more often because there's nothing wrong with saying, "hey, could you help me with this?"

#3.  Change is good.  I can make a change in my life and not have to worry that it will irreparably damage me or my kids. Change is a part of life.  It's a good thing for all of us, no matter what our ages.

So, those things said, any single, non-alcoholic, pseudo-normal men out there....I'm looking to meet you.  Well, maybe not you, but you know.  You might have a friend?  :)

Anyway, big changes in my world.  I've obtained a new job teaching at a private school which will require me and my family unit to relocate about seven hours away.  I'm scared a bit, but more excited than anything because I feel like my life has been on pause for the last five years or so.  I'm not saying that good things haven't happened, but I feel I've been waiting--waiting for the next part of it, and I think at last it might be here. 

Anyway, I got some good advice today too.  A good and wise person told me that I need to let more people in, and let them know the kind of person I am.  To be honest, that is a scary thing for me, but I'm going to give it a try because he also let me know that letting people in doesn't mean I can't control how fast that happens.  Thanks for that!

Anyway, this is getting long, and if you haven't stopped reading you might soon. 

So, I'll sign off, and in the words of the ever knowledgeable Spock, "Live Long and Prosper."

Peace,

c.

TONIGHT AT 12:00 THE PERSON YOU LIKE WILL REALIZE THAT THEY LOVE YOU!

IF YOU DON'T REPOST OR FORWARD THIS,  YOU WILL HAVE THE WORST DAY EVER TOMORROW!

EACH SITUATION BELOW REPRESENTS A TYPICAL "RELATIONSHIP" PER SE.  THAT SAID, PLEASE PICK ONE OF THE FOLLOWING THAT MOST ACCURATELY REPRESENTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND REPOST IT WITHIN THE TIME LIMIT.


CUPIDS CHOKEHOLD: If you're taken & confused...

WE FLY HIGH: If you're taken and u like someone else....

BUY YOU A DRANK: If you're single but your heart is taken....

MAKE IT RAIN: If you're single and just goin' with the flow....

I WANNA LOVE YOU: If you're single and you wanna tell someone you like them but not sure how that will go....

IT'S GOIN' DOWN: If you're single....

THIS IS THE WAY I LIVE: you like someone and they like you back but you aren't going out yet....

WALK IT OUT: If you're single and like someone but confused whether they like you back or not.....

DON'T MATTER: If your taken and really happy with that person...

THIS IS WHY I'M HOT:You're just so confused and waiting for someone that wont completely tear you apart.....

PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR: if your single. kinda like someone. but not sure. and you like being single & flirting!!

YOU HAVE 1 HOUR

I look forward to reading your posts....

I had written this great post.

I mean I spent a lot of time on it, and then I tried to post it, and it was gone.

That was horrible.

GRRR!

Anyway, til then, I am still alive, and I do want to thank those who didn't forget me.

Thank you so much to Barnabus, Kenneth, Shante, Doe, and Commontater.

I shall write more about all of it---very soon.

But thank you for always being there, always reading my poems, my rants.

It means more than you know...

THANK YOU!