This is from "The Jerk"

Navin is speaking about how he fell "in love" with his lady. So below--you will find his skewed timeline and his testimonial to all of "our"  relationship timelines.

[Speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps]

I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

Currently Listening Come What(ever) May By Stone Sour Through Glass see related

Anymore

I cannot get through

Another day without you

And I tell myself

It's today.

Today's the day

I confess.

Today -

My suffering ends

Or begins anew.

The idea of connection

So fleeting

Yet, there's nothing more than

The electricity of your

Eyes to mine

And the peace the smallest

Of exchanges gives me.

Relentlessly,

I bare my soul,

I seek the intangibility,

Of your answer,

As the wait shakes and sways me

Bringing me to my knees.

Now, I'm just left to speak

The words aloud

And to fall

Fall until I'm caught

Fall until there's nothing more to fear-

Fall until I'm yours

or until I'm finally no one.

Anymore

Don't forget to add what your eating, needing, or shooting and why!

Have fun all!

C. 

Pick the month you were born in

1 - I ate
2 - I needed
3 - I ran naked with
4 - I shot
5 - I killed
6 - I smoked with
7 - I banged
8 - I stabbed
9 - I ran shirtless with
10 - I cuddled with
11 - I slept with
12-I killed

Pick the day (number) you were born on

01 - the kool-aid man
02 - a dog
03 - a jew
04 - a toothbrush
05 - Santa Claus
06 - a homo
07 - Barny the dinosaur
08 - a prostitute
09 - a pornstar
10 - a bag of weed
11 - the trojan man
12 - Paris Hilton
13 - my lover
14 - a lesbian
15 - a pickle
16 - a stripper
17 - a shoe
18 - a horse
19 - an orange
20 - a crackhead
21 - a homeless guy
22 - a whore
23 - my crush
24 - a easter egg
25 - a jar of honey
26 - a condom
27 - a bowl of cereal
28 - a french fry
29 - your dealer
30 - a glass of milk
31 - Ur grandma



Pick the color of shirt you are wearing

White - Because thats how i roll
Black - because im sexy as hell
Pink - Because the little people told me to
Red - because I have AMAZING boobs
Blue - because I'm a pimp and your jealous
Polka Dots - because I hate my life
Purple - because I'm gay
Gray - because I love marijuana
Other - because I have double D's
Green - because I'm good in bed
Orange - because I smoke crack
Turquoise - because I have a noodle in my nose
Brown - because i had to
Shirtless - because I've got abs

The Resting Place of Smiles

I am your welcome hello 

I am on the shore,

I am fragile, breaking beneath your breath....

my connection to heaven-- long severed...  

I have said good-bye long ago,

though I've wondered when you'll return,

when I'll be able to connect a with b

and c with d.

Empty space

you wave to me.

A hurricane

a magnitude of years. 

a scalding of regret.

• "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -  Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
• "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"  - Official Court Records
• "I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on its head." - Yogi Berra
• "Democracy used to be a good thing, but now it has gotten into the wrong hands." -  Senator Jesse Helms (R-North Carolina)
• "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..."- Dan Quayle
• "You can observe a lot by watching."  - Yogi Berra
• "So that's 24 points for Schumacher and 23 points for Hill-so there's only one point between them if my mental arithmetic is correct." -  BBC sports commentator Murray Walker
• "The patient refused an autopsy."  -  from a medical report appearing in the Journal of Court Reporting
• "Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been exposing himself to the people of the United States." - Frank Licht, then governor of Rhode Island, campaigning for McGovern in 1972
• "Animals, which move, have limbs and muscles.  The earth does not have limbs or muscles.  Therefore, it does not move."- Scipio Chiaramonti, distinguished mediaeval scientist
• "They need help, and we have helped, and we are here to help. And we are helping, and we're going to continue to help."   Vice President Dan Quayle, discussing federal help in the Chicago floods
• "This is a delightful surprise to the extent that it is a surprise, and it is only a surprise to the extent that we anticipated."- Secretary of State James Baker
• Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Opposing attorney: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.  -  Official Court Records 

I think; therefore, I am" -René Descartes-

"I feel; therefore, I am" -Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Both of these statements were made by men living around the same time period (17th Century), but each obviously valuing something radically different from the other.  Whether to live as an intellectual being or one driven by emotion--it's still a question many of us continue to ask today.

But the question is not so much which, but is, instead, do we have to choose? 

Must one be without the other?  Or can we blend and merge them?

Theoretically, I think it can be done.  I do believe, however, that most people fall more to one side or the other.  I know I find I am most calm, most okay when things are organized, logical--when I can devote myself to reading, researching, and educating.  It seems most right then; I feel most in my element.  I feel most powerful and in control.

For even the short time that I allowed myself to "date" or become emotional about a man, it seemed to turn my world upside down.  Perhaps, that says something about my character (or lack thereof), but I felt completely out of control, completely unfocused, completely not okay.  I felt powerless and horrible most of the time. 

Now, I am sure that in the right relationship that might not happen.  I also think that I sometimes tend to overcompensate for my overly emotionally nature.  I don't like it to get the best of me, as it has in my younger years, so I try to do what I can to deal in things that are intellectual, mind-related--things that I can be passionate about without risking too much of my emotional self.  I love that idea--the idea of passion without risk.

Reading your blog got me thinking about this, as your list included knowledge, then love.  I hope you are more successful than I have been at having both.  I have either been a slave to emotion or a complete evader of it completely.  Though I do have to say, that in the worst situations, it was my ability to think, reason, and know that I was intelligent that helped get me out.  I do not think love can be completely successful and healthy without some good old-fashioned intelligence thrown in.

Well, I don't know really what I'm saying, maybe I'm saying nothing, and I guess that's okay.  For me, knowledge is absolute; love, is a crap-shoot, and at this stage, I think I'll agree with Descartes and leave Mr. Rousseau's theory for the optimists.

C.

Currently Listening Rites of Passage By Indigo Girls Ghost

Okay, I know we all want to find that special person, but I have come to the decision that that are some of us that do better to just stay on our own.  There are many reasons for this, perhaps we are too difficult to please, live with, be around, etc. I also think that the fiercely independent find it hard to open up and share anything.  It's such a foreign concept and doesn't seem to make any real sense for any long expanse of time.   Anyway, in my infinite wisdom, I've composed a list of the top 11 reasons why it's good to be alone.    

TOP 11 REASONS IT'S GOOD TO BE ALONE  

1.  You can look how you want.

2.  You can eat what you want.

3.  You can do what you want.

4.  You don't have to check in with anyone

5.  You can buy what you want.

6.  You can develop a confidence level so high, no one can touch you.

7.  You get the whole bed.

8.  There are half as many things to wash.

9.  You have less of a chance of getting hurt.

10. You can hang out with whomever you choose without worry of the "jealous boy/girlfriend" shit.

11. It's just so much more relaxing.

12. No one wlking in on you when your in the middle of poopin'. (Submitted by Kenneth, approved by me.)

I realize this may sound harsh, but as I can only say that I wish someone would have slapped me when I was 17 and said, "No!"  "Live your life for you, and then you'll find the perfect companion along the way, and if you don't, than who the hell cares?"  

Granted, I don't think less of anyone in the quest for love, why would I?

I have my moments of weakness as well, but then I realize that I am not a person that's "relationship material "so to speak.  Most of the time, probably 95% of the time, I'm okay with that.   I mean, I just don't have the right stuff to be with someone for the long term.  I can't hack it, and I'm just too used to being alone at this point, to be any good in a relationship type situation. 

The truth hurts, but it's better to admit and know than to hurt too many people in the process.    Those few times I've allowed myself to need anyone, to depend on them, has blown up in my face.  Not all...but most.  

 Even the best of friends willl abandon you for "love;"  don't doubt it.  I've seen it many times.   Well, that's it for now.  Reality 101 will close for the day.  Take what you want and leave what you don't.    It matters not to me.  

For a moment today I pondered ths whole idea of Eden....

And I wondered, if living in paradise, if having all ones desired "seemingly" satisfied, why would Eve want for more?  Why was she still seeking "something?"

It's an interesting question, and since that question was answered by Eve's supposed fall from grace and direct plunging of the rest of us poor sods into sin, one still can ask and does ask why? 

Why such a harsh punishment?

Why wasn't there a review on "better things to do than talk to snakes?"

Why?

And why the hell do we always have to ask why?

It seems our nature to ask the one question than in almost all situations is without any satisfying answer.  Yet we ask on.....we're such lemmings sometimes--onward to the sea we go, and damn...we forgot our life jackets.

I'm not being insulting.  I'm a lemming too.  I have been asking this why question a lot of late, and am as tired of asking it as I am tired of the lack of reply. 

What is real is that there are millions of why's, and what's also real is getting it in our dense grey matter, that there are no absolutes.  There are no answers. 

In spite of the holy rollers who tell us God has the answers, and that we just need to have faith., and that all will be revealed in time, we're all just still shuffling around in Eden.

I say fuck faith and fuck "revealed in time."

In spite of hating all the uncertainty, I'd still rather put my "faith"in a strong resume and letters of reference than in any fatalistic apple tasting and tower crashing.

I hope you would too.

Peace All,

c.