Now, I had thought I had heard some pretty stupid statements, but these are cake-toppers my friends...   Hope you laugh heartily...  
  • "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -  Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
  • "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"  - Official Court Records
  • "I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on its head." - Yogi Berra
  • "Democracy used to be a good thing, but now it has gotten into the wrong hands." -  Senator Jesse Helms (R-North Carolina)
  • "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..."- Dan Quayle
  • "You can observe a lot by watching."  - Yogi Berra
  • "So that's 24 points for Schumacher and 23 points for Hill-so there's only one point between them if my mental arithmetic is correct." -  BBC sports commentator Murray Walker
  • "The patient refused an autopsy."  -  from a medical report appearing in the Journal of Court Reporting
  • "Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been exposing himself to the people of the United States." - Frank Licht, then governor of Rhode Island, campaigning for McGovern in 1972
  • "Animals, which move, have limbs and muscles.  The earth does not have limbs or muscles.  Therefore, it does not move."- Scipio Chiaramonti, distinguished mediaeval scientist
  • "They need help, and we have helped, and we are here to help. And we are helping, and we're going to continue to help."   Vice President Dan Quayle, discussing federal help in the Chicago floods
  • "This is a delightful surprise to the extent that it is a surprise, and it is only a surprise to the extent that we anticipated."- Secretary of State James Baker
  • Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Opposing attorney: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.  -  Official Court Records