ShoutPost - Bow and Bend---But Never Break (Never Give More Than You Are Able To Lose)

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Flapping and Falling

2007-02-07

How do we all feel about "unrequited love?"

Well my opinion is, it sucks.

Trust me, I'd expect you all to think the worst, but before we begin..let me prologue this by saying that in this situation it's two-fold...and I need some serious advice....

Situation One

I've loved him for 10 years, but i'ts been a one-sided affair I've had a hard time getting out of, as he's an alcoholic. He cannot quit, even though he's rolled a car, been in a coma, saw apparitions, been in jail, lost his license, been in a 10 plus treatment facilities, and all kinds of other crazy shit.

Now, he's forced to live with his mother and is angered at me because I'm not devoted to him. I know it's wrong, but I just want to scream in his face...wtf? I mean he thinks I should just come down, hang out, wait til his mom is asleep, and then "quietly" fuck him? (His words not mine) Just like nothing is wrong?

What? I'm thinking is... 'NO"

He thinks I'm just supposed to drop to my knees in appreciation for his love and now forced sobriety? Hell no...Hell no! FUCK THAT! I do love him, but I cannot have a one-sided relationship. In reality, is that even love? Reality please?

Did I mention he has no driver's license? He can never come to see me. I always have to do it, drive two hours?

I just feel I can no longer hurt for him; I cannot live a lie, a fantasy anymore....

Situation Two

I think I am in love with him. I've been feeling this way (very strongly) for the last six months). At first, I thought it stupid, but then after awhile I found some hints in his words, his eyes, his gestures, that made me feel less alone. The problem is he's unattainable. I cannot tell him. He cannot know I love him. The only way out is that he loves me too. The only way is I inhabit his thoughts, his being, his every desire, and he will eventually tell me. He will eventually know how much I have given up for him....

I know it's a "crap toss," and I am idiot. I always love wrong.

If there's someone or something out there to help that, I'd surely appreciate that.

Til then, I'll flap and fall..

Always stupid....

But obviously not humbled enough.....

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The Bottle Washer (2007-02-10)
The law of gravity applies here as you must hit rock bottom to go back up

Hardcore_Pyro (2007-02-08)
Celestia - I too have had similar experiences in this very thing except that I was the alcoholic. They say that you have to hit rock bottom before you can change. I don't aggree, I do agree that one must want to change as I did and it didn't hurt that she made it absolutely clear what her intensions were going to be. I did not want to loose the love of my life and so through my struggles I quit drinking and it's been over a year. I think by allowing us the reader to peer into a snippit of your life shows us that you are a strong woman and have aready made up your mind as to the outcome of your relationship. I along with Drift and SS feel for you. Don't just go with your heart go with your mind and weigh your options. Is it worth your struggle. Ken

drift (2007-02-07)
C - Situation 1 sucks - I have MUCH experience with living with alcoholics...throughout life - I'm a magnet for them - just say no. Situation 2 - it's a bridge, babe, just cross it. PS - You can't love wrong... Love is Love and it is always good - People just screw it up sometimes! ...drift

Spirited Minikin (2007-02-07)
Oh boy...does it help that I'm right there with you experiencing similar feelings...the way you describe your feelings is so close to mine it's unreal...and the uncertainty and pain is like a punch in the gut. Wow...

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