It's a beautiful sunny day today, yet my day started off so horribly, I'd like to crawl back into bed and start over.

My 14 year old son has had some kind of personality transplant over the past few months which leaves him incapable of doing much more than being zombie-like around me or spouting profanities at me.  You'd think when I didn't give him five dollars last night that the end of the world as we know it was upon us.  He had  a full on, crying, tantrum.  I don' know.  We're trying to work through this, but I sure as hell wish someone could tell me why he is the way he is.  I mean I could see it if I were some shit ass parent that was sleeping my way through the town, drinking and drugging, or doing other non-productive things for my family.  GRRRR>>>>>  I don't get it.

Anyway, I'm feeling disenchanted with the world.  Anyone ever feel that way?  Of late, I feel as though I am holding my breath waiting for something new, something different to happen.  A friend of mine let me now that if I want change I have to force it myself.  I do realize that, but I only know how to do that to a point.  Plus, what change is it that I want anyway? 

Part of me thinks I need to get out of this rinky dink town.  Part of me feels as though I'll be here forever, growing old and increasingly angry and angsty.  No angst isn't just for the young, we all can get a piece of that self-destructive pie if we want.

Eh, I don't know. 

Maybe I"ll post something more upbeat later....

Or Maybe not....